I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.