If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!