No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.