In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?