As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.