Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.