By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.