Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.