We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.