Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.