A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.