I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.