Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.