But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.