I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.