Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
No good deed goes unpunished.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.