There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.