Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.