Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.