And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.