I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.