I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.