May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Men are as faithful as their options.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.