There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.