I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.