My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.