I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.