Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?