Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?