I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.