Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.