Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.