I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.