This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.