When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.