I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.