He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.