If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.