I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.