Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.