I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.