Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.