I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I have nothing to declare except my genius.