I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.