Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.