My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.