There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
No good deed goes unpunished.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.