What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.