Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.