I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.