If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.