He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ