Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.