I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
No good deed goes unpunished.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.