I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?