You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.