I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.