Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.