At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.