I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.