Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.