You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm single because I was born that way.