My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.