I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.