I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.