I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.