Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.