I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.