If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.