When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.