I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

No good deed goes unpunished.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.