The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!