I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.