All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.