There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.