Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?