It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.