To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.