All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.