I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.