In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.