My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.