I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Men are as faithful as their options.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.