An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.