A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.