Women are made to be loved not understood.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
