Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Women are made to be loved not understood.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.