The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.