God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.