He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.